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Category Archives: Missions Today

Ever want to just leave?

23 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today, Personal Stories, Thrive Ministry

≈ 2 Comments

This is the Monday after Inauguration Day in the United States and this is the Monday after millions of women marched in cities in every continent making a statement about women needing to be protected, respected, and appreciated for who they are. Those two events were enough to give me one of those after-the-stress headaches and frankly, one that could last a long time. I just wanted to get on a jet plane and go somewhere, away…maybe visit some family in Sweden, or friends in another country… that might help me get my mind off of our country and the issues.

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So today I went to an unusual source to find solace. I clicked into the Thrive Ministry Magazine called Connection. It is a magazine for global women written by global women. I read an article that ministered to my soul on this Monday. I hope you like it too. It was written by a woman who had to leave her country and come to America. She didn’t want to be here. But God had something for her to do.

The author, Jami Staples,  reminded me that we all have work to do, wherever we are. God has placed us here to follow Him and do what He asks of us. I felt His voice through her story.

By the way, I love being a part of the ministry that serves global women with this on-line magazine.  I am presently chairing the Thrive Ministry Board of Directors for this vibrant, important ministry to thousands of women global workers who serve Christ around the globe. This Connection Magazine is read by hundreds of women, some isolated and some in huge cities, but few are surrounded by other like-minded women and a thoroughly culturally comfortable church family. They all need each other. This magazine serves them.

The article I just read made me hungry to serve these global women workers, many of whom I know and love. I sometimes yearn to be with them. I only spent a year overseas, but I “get” many things about their lives. I love and respect them for what they do for Jesus. You can serve them too through volunteering at an international retreat. Read more. 

Today I pray that those who feel isolated and disconnected in their countries of service, (like I feel today), will know that they are a part of another community of great power and strength and love… and a part of something with a future that is sure…the body of Christ, His church, and eternity in heaven. We are so blessed to know this from the top of our heads to the tip of our toes. God has a plan and we will be a part of it. Let’s just play our part, like Jami chose to do.

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Welcome to 2017…facts about the world that believers should know.

08 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today

≈ 1 Comment

State of the World –  presented at a Lausanne Younger Leaders Gathering

by Jason Mandryk & Molly Wall

Jason Mandryk and Molly Wall, editors of Operation World, give insight to key issues in the church, Great Commission, and the world based on their extensive research and encounters around the world.

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‘These are tumultuous times. Change in every sphere of life seems to be accelerating. What really is happening in the world? And how does this relate to the staggering scale, complexity, and urgency of the Great Commission?’

Lausanne Younger Leaders Gathering participants were asked in this session to listen to the groans of the world and to how the Holy Spirit might be speaking specifically to their context.

This presentation was given at the third Lausanne Younger Leaders Gathering (YLG2016) held in Jakarta, Indonesia, from 3-10 August 2016.

 

For a fascinating crash course in the state of the world, click this 30 min. video of the presentation.

Download the presentation and the accompanying notes

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The new way some churches do missions

10 Tuesday May 2016

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today, Orphans, Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

I have witnessed something I will put in the category of phenomena. In April I attended 4 weeks of Sunday services at 2 mega-churches that captured the attention and the hearts of its people for serving needs around the world through a modern approach. For me, an updated missions conference was born.

Getting church people to become passionate about winning people to Christ outside our borders, the issues of poverty, and needs in the world is a tall order. We, North Americans often want to cloister in our safe places. We desire to only get as close to international issues as the evening news or maybe an extra few minutes of CNN coverage. But something happened in the month of April to help me learn that a church can shepherd its people to care about people around the globe and even the most pressing issues in the world.

Our youngest daughter’s church, Church of the City in Franklin, TN was the place I experienced watching a church decidedly choose to challenge and educate its 5000 members about Children at Risk. This is how they did it in 3 weeks. The first week (April 3) the pastor introduced the title of the emphasis, “What If?”, the concept of taking on a different subject every year and asking themselves, What if they could make a difference in a huge world issue in Jesus’ name. The pastor used Acts 1:8 to teach the concentric circles of outreach…local, regional, and international in direction and scope. We are familiar with this strategy that Jesus spoke of when it comes to missional outreach.

This year the congregation would learn about children at risk and how to help meet the needs of children orphaned by war, AIDS, poverty, and family crisis. The first week the church brought in two church partners from Malawi who operated a school and an orphanage. The congregation could be proud of what their church was doing there. After a great introduction by the senior pastor, they sat together on a couch and he interviewed this couple about the facts, complexities, and stories of the progress in caring for hundreds of kids. God was given the glory for the wonderful ministry that we heard about.

I asked myself, is this hour long experience enough to ignite the energy of 5000 suburbanites? The answer is, I’m not convinced in would be done in just one week alone. This is how it continued.

  • There would be 3 weeks to process this subject.
  • There were projects to do for young families. We picked up an inexpensive kit for kids to collect money for this three weeks and instructions for the parents of how to teach at home.
  • The church purchased a shipping container, that they would fill with care packages and school supplies for the 500 families of the school in Malawi.
  • Families could come in the evenings of the 3 weeks to paint murals on the container’s walls that would be shipped to the school, which the school would repurpose for use at the school in  Malawi (picture below).

What is also a key factor is giving the reports of how the project went a few weeks later. I copied this from the Facebook page the week after the container was launched.

Our shipping container is packed to the brim & headed to Malawi! We are so thankful for your generosity in giving to our friends in Adziwa. Nearly 500 families will receive care packages & educational supplies from this container, and then the container itself will be transformed into a science lab for Adziwa Christian School.13179424_681351798670380_1683207597664952017_n

I listened online to the next two weeks anxious to see how this would play out. The second week a couple from the area, who had moved to Haiti after the earthquake devastation were interviewed about their decision to adopt children orphaned by the earthquake. Their story was riveting. The followup mini-sermon by the pastor was full of teaching the scriptural mandates for taking care of orphans and widows.

The third week was where the rubber met the road. People were challenged to step up to apply what they had learned at home. Exploring local foster care, they heard a story about a church in Denver that had been challenged to take seriously this mandate to care for orphans. It seems that Denver churches have actually adopted all the adoptable children from their state’s foster care system. Could Franklin, TN be the next place to take on this challenge?  Because of this serious challenge, my daughter tells me that 300 couples came to an information meeting that next week about the numbers of children available for adoption in the state of Tennessee. In the next weeks, 72 families had pursued adopting children from the foster care system of TN.

My theory was validated that individuals in the evangelical church will step up to the challenge of scripture if they learn and understand how to do so. Without a vision, the church perishes. Certainly, without a vision, people sit idly by. Learning about a need and then being given ways to do something specific…is the key.

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The next week I was helping with an exhibit for Kerus Global Education at the 3 week missions conference called Celebration of Hope (COH) at my former church, Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL.   A few years ago I was surprised to learn that about 11 years ago Willow started the Celebration of Hope. It is a 3 week series to celebrate what Willow’s international partners are doing in the 12 countries in which Willow partners. (When I was on the global board of Willow Creek in the 1990’s, I must admit that I never thought this could happen. Back then Willow began its missions ventures with partnerships in 2 countries, and I wasn’t sure they would grow beyond that.)

For the 3 weeks of Celebration of Hope the gigantic atrium is full of exhibits show-casing the “technical partners” who empower and bring the expertise to the nationally lead projects and ministry in these countries. They also bring in many of the nationals who lead these efforts, (somewhat like the missionaries in more traditional missions-oriented churches do annually). To give an actual picture of the work going on, there is a weekly video of the partners on site talking and showing the work and also some live interviews with partners. The music and the backdrop set enhance the theme.

Besides the annual financial giving, Willow has found something everyone can do to contribute towards the needs of the world. During one of the weekends of Celebration of Hope, people sign up for a couple hours of packing seed packets that will go to African villagers to plant in their gardens. This year 20,000 people showed up to pack over a million seed packets that were shipped last week.

The church offers a 5K run where people find sponsors or pay to run or walk or stroll the 5k around the church neighborhood. This year that money raised went to their refugee ministry. The first week of the COH people are encouraged to collect what will be their financial gift to the COH at the end of the three weeks. I learned from some children brought to see our exhibit during their Sunday School hour that their families save up to give during the year. People can designate their gift to their interest area: Education, Health and Hunger, Leadership and Pastoral Development, Refugee and Peacemaking, or “Greatest Need”. People own this responsibility and explore the atrium for 3 weeks learning what is being done in each arena.

This year with the refugee crisis of Syria and the Congo, these two realities were emphasized. Ways to get involved with this crisis were spelled out. The pastor had recently visited Europe and reported on the Syrian refugee crisis with a personal word of challenge as to our position as believers in Christ. Connecting the dots from our biblical commitment to real situations in the world as well as the local area is the key to making this relevant to the average person.

My Opinion as a Former Missions Pastor

It is my observation that missions-minded evangelical churches around the country, find it hard to focus or showcase what their partners and missionaries are doing on the field. The tradition is often to bring in an outside speaker who is a missions enthusiast to cast the vision for serving overseas instead of hearing from those in whom the church invests.

I believe it is usually the aim of the more traditional church that this effort will challenge a couple young people or families to consider serving overseas. I think that the potential of these conferences is lost on 99% of the congregation who sit by and listen to or may even checkout emotionally while asking themselves ‘what does this have to do with me’.

There is often no challenge for actual involvement or even investment in what is happening for the average person. I think that most people from historically missions-oriented churches think that these issues are being  covered by their church’s budget or handled by the professional missions staff of the church. Having been in a leadership role for years, I have heard friends say that this special emphasis on global work is intimidating to the average person, as it is miles beyond their interests or realities. Why is that so?

I believe it does not have to be this way. I have just experienced 6 weeks of preaching and teaching and educational interviews and exhibits that have been revered as “the favorite weeks” in the church calendar in both churches I am referring to. The people from the two churches I have highlighted can proudly boast about:

  • what they see God doing overseas,
  • what they are investing in personally through their church,
  • what their churches are doing to combat the problems in the world,
  • what they personally learned about poverty or needs in the world
  • and how these ministries lead people to faith in Jesus Christ.

I have a renewed hope in the local church. I hope that leaders will take a fresh look at how to challenge and disciple their people. I have always believed that people rise to the level of the challenge they are given. Jesus never held back when he said,

JOHN 17:15 I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 17 Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. 18 As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. 19 And for their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they also may be sanctified by the truth.

 

 

 

 

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Dubai and back

07 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today, Thrive Ministry

≈ 2 Comments

As a volunteer who went to Dubai, UAE to serve 80 global workers at a Thrive retreat, I am back home with a full heart to share some things I observed about the women I met. You’ve heard me talk about Thive before. I went to Tanzania in 2013 on one of these  retreats for women serving in Africa. (You can learn more about Thrive from my blog here as well). Ministering to women in Dubai was somewhat different since the Mideast is so unique. So many of these women were so incredibly commited to the hard places and hard people that they live among and want to reach out to. Many of these women were young moms who were raising their families in a land of sand and grey buildings… sacrificing not only green spaces and modern conveniences, but friends and fellowship.

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The first evening I met my small group of women and I soon realized that they work within the stress of young families and traveling husbands.That may seem common in the suburbs, but remember they live with few supportive friends, hostile neighborhoods, abusive social practices, and many strict cultural restraints on women. Some had seen co-workers killed. Yet in the midst of  this these women understand a calling from God to love and reach their neighbors with the good news.

Over the many years that I have personally observed those going to serve overseas, I am more optomistic and impressed by this generation and their desire to work in difficult places for the sake of bringing God’s love than ever.  It is very difficult in their world to step out and create a homebase for their families while trying to serve the needs of those hurting and in need of hope in such bleak circumstances. In my group there were two Physicians Assistants, a nurse practitioner, a family doing translation, church planters and they were all moms with little kids. One had adopted two of her Ugandan neighbors’ orphaned children. These women became my new heros.

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Besides Bible messages, small group processing, singing in meaningful worship, and precious time spent in prayer, the women also had the option to make various kinds of appointments. Some options were counseling with a professional, getting a massage, a haircut, a pedicure (by a non-professional like me), a health consultation with a nurse, or even to have their “colors” done. The troup of volunteers served for long hours each day. Each appointment ended with prayer. Our evenings were filled with laughter telling stories and playing games. One game was called “Taste of Home”, which involved a white elephant gift exchange of things that global workers crave and cannot find in their countries. The fights over Cheezits and marshmallows were hilarious.

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I will add that as the new chairman of the Board of Directors of Thrive Ministries, I am proud of the effectiveness of this ministry in providing retreats that create a safe place for global women to come and be renewed. Our desire is to serve their needs and keep them doing what they are doing in their roles in the “great commission”. During the days together, I watched God meet their unique needs. The burdens they were carrying seemed to lighten as they were shared and were surrendered to Jesus in new ways.

I enjoyed being a part of the 30 volunteers who poured out a formidable gift of love and attention on these servants who deserved it so much. It was my great privilege to meet these women and pray for their needs.

You may want to consider serving these global women on one of the 4 annual retreats…encouraging and empowering them and being their advocate. Check out the opportunities on the Thrive webpage. 

 

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Welcoming the Stranger

14 Monday Dec 2015

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today

≈ Leave a comment

It’s the season for compassion and lifting others’ spirits. We give a bit more thought and energy towards those in need during the Christmas season…and I believe we are looking for ways to make Christmas special for those who don’t understand the reason for the season.

I hope that I am that person and you are too. I know I get very caught up in my own family and friends. I want to be one who reaches out.

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Because of the rare period of history we are experiencing right now, there are ways to welcome those in need, to take a stand for those who are desperate and in extreme circumstances.

One way is to use our Christian voice to affirm taking in the stranger and loving the unlovely. As for refugees, we have no other option than to do as Jesus told us, to welcome the stranger. We are not to live in fear. We are to trust in what He has told us in His word.  If you have questions or doubts about this subject, be an active learner, not one lives in reluctance to think about it and get perspective.  Here are just a few of the many places in scripture that inspire and direct us.

  • Deuteronomy 10: 19 You shall also love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.
  • Leviticus 19:34 The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.
  • Matthew 5:43-44 You have heard that it was said, ‘you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy’. But I say to you, love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.
  • Matthew 25:40 Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of my brethren you did it to me.
  • Romans 13:10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor, therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
  • Acts 10:34 Then Peter began to speak to them: “I truly understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.
  • Revelation 21:3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “See the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them.”
  • Luke 10:27 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.
  • Hebrews 13: 1 Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.
  • Colossians 3:11 In that renewal there is no longer Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and free; but Christ is all and in all.
  • Matthew 25: 35 I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.
  • Romans 12:13 Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.

We all can be an advocate and a volunteer. Women can stand for women in vulnerable places around the world. There are things we can do.

There are also good things we can share about God moving in this world that will bring encouragement and praise to the Christ we love and honor in this season. God is moving in mighty ways in the Muslim world.

Let us rejoice in that fact as much as we can and share it with those who only feel discouragement, as if God has abondoned this world. He has not. Praise to His glorious mercy and grace on all of us.

Check out some of these links….they will fill you with hope and new perspective this Christmas season.

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Often God blesses those who wait patiently for Him

04 Wednesday Nov 2015

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today, Robert Sityo Uganda

≈ 2 Comments

Robert S. is studying at Wheaton Graduate School with a Billy Graham Scholarship for international students. He is from central Uganda and lives in a village that is predominantly Muslim. His dear friend and ours, Emmanuel N. was here for the two previous years and is now back in Rwanda serving his many churches.

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Robert and his wife were praying about how they could start a church. God spoke to his wife, Sarah through a dream and told her that they should start a school. Now many years later, the school has 1000 students, mostly Muslim kids. Their Christian school is such high quality that the parents pay to have their kids study there even while knowing that the kids will hear about Christ. About half of the school kids are Christians now. Sarah is the headmaster and Robert oversees many church plants. Their church is booming with new Christians.

They always wanted to have their own children but after 11 years of marriage, they still did not have any of their own, but God gave them a huge family.  Many years ago they began adopting orphans. Once Pastor Robert read someone’s Last Will and Testament after he had done a couple’s funeral service. The will said, ”We leave our 5 children to our pastor”. Instant family! Those 5 and 13 more have been adopted. They now have 18 adopted children….and quite a darling family it is. Here are a few of them.

Robert's Family

Last year while Robert was studying at Wheaton, he prayed that Sarah would get pregnant even though she never had been and was now 38 years old. Last spring Robert went home for the summer break and to everyone’s surprise, God answered Robert’s prayer, as Sarah is now pregnant… and expecting triplets. They are so thrilled. Praise the Lord that Robert finishes at Wheaton this semester. It is hard to keep his mind on his finals work this last month. Please pray for him.

But as you can imagine, Sarah needs prayer. They could use some help with the cost of the c­-section that she is scheduled to have on Dec. 12. Pray that Robert can get home in time and pray for a safe delivery.

Robert has a ministry/medical account in which you can give online with a click. This account with a not-­for­-profit organization in Wheaton will also take checks. The check should be written out to Faith and Learning International  and can be mailed to: Faith and Learning International 209 E Liberty Wheaton, IL 60187 Include a message that it is for Project: Fountain of Hope

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My banquet of stories this summer.

22 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today, Personal Stories

≈ Leave a comment

When I used to sit at my desk at my church job where I helped oversee the care and support of about 90 global workers, I never became accustomed to the incredible people I met or the stories I heard. I was amazed and amazed again for those 10 years. I enjoyed a steady diet of stories from those global ambassadors.

As I got reaquainted after not seeing them for a few years, I often took them out to lunch. They often poured over the menu of American dishes that were new since their last time back and then they enjoyed the meal. But I was the one having the feast as I took in their stories. What I heard about the things God was doing in and through them aound the world left me speechless hungry for more.

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This summer I met with 5 of these friends as they came through town. Since this is no longer my steady diet… it was truly a glorious banquet. Let me share a few stories from the last few weeks… without the names or some details, as many must remain secure.

The first is a graphic designer who works with at least one hundred local workers with the Egyptian Bible Society. This guy is amazing. He loves to create and teach others how to design. This friend explained how the beheading of 21 Christians in Libya last February prompted writing a tract that has made its way around northern Africa and beyond. It has opened the way for Christians to converse with Muslims, often very ashamed of what happened at the hands of radicalized Muslims. He talked about the many responses to the tract and printing over a million copies to supply the demand.

My graphic designer friend was asked to take the following poem written in Arabic for the tract and interpret its beauty into English….I think he did a wonderful job. Pray for its effectiveness around the world, as it has been translated into at least 8 languages.

(Just click this photo and read the poem.)

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Next is a couple who have planted themselves in the farthest reaches of northeast Asia (get geographical). They are working as medical personnel and tour director to reach into a hostile and closed country closeby. The creativity and caution they must exercise to do this work absolutely raises goosebumps on all who listen to their stories. Their commitment and love for Jesus motivate their every dangerous step.

Another couple are working in a mideast closed  country teaching English with the goal of helping to put into words an unwritten language, so eventually there will be a Bible available. They live and work in an Islamic state that raises the stress of everyday. A trip to the grocery store is a major ordeal.

Another couple are teaching theology and Bible to 1100 national staff who minister with CRU in 20 countries of Europe. Taking seminary classes to these staffers in regular education installments allow these workers to continue ministering and not disrupt them for a foreign seminary experience that would move them from their communities, churches or campuses. Taking seminary on the road…how strategic.

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Valerie Elliot Shepard

The last thing I would like to tell you about was attending the Memorial Service for Elisabeth Elliot who passed away this summer. She was a personal hero of mine as I have shared on this blog earlier this summer. The passion in her convictions didn’t always make her popular, but to those of us who followed her life as a fervent missionary in the 1950’s to a woman spokesperson about a life of following Jesus regardless of suffering, I am forever marked by her conviction and her commitment.  If you are new to her, check out her website, www.elisabethelliot.org

This first link is the entire 2 hour service, well worth an afternoon.

Seated in Edman Chapel at her alma mater, Wheaton College some of my dear friends and myself were mesmerized by the beautiful tributes, ten in all. Her lovely daughter, Valerie was my favorite. But the most meaningful of all was a video tribute that we watched made with Elisabeth’s own words. Enjoy this You Tube recordings as we did. Her humor and contagious love for Jesus will mark you all over again…as it did me. CBN also did a memorial that is linked here. CBN also did a memorial that is linked here.

This summer has been rich and deep. If you have an opportunity to meet a missionary in your area, don’t miss the privilege. Just ask an open-ended question like, tell me a highlight of your work.

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What happens to kids with helicopter parents?

09 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today

≈ Leave a comment

There are many studies being done about parenting and millenials, the group born somewhere close to 1980 to somewhere close to 2000. There are a lot of studies that define millenials and they usually include something about “helicopter” parenting. I want to challenge us to look at this kind of parenting and its long term affect on young adults.

Besides my desire to influence parents (especially those of young children), I believe these principles affect our discipleship efforts of young believers in the U.S. as well as our efforts at growing the young church in the developing world. The topic crosses many spheres as it is a study from sociology and the psychological development of people. There is much at stake if we get this wrong. It’s time to think seriously about this subject of over-parenting. I hope these articles lead you to some discussion in your own sphere. I’d love to hear your comments. 

Here is an excerpt with an overview of millenials that was posted in January 2015.

A snapshot of Millenials, according to their press:

Millenials grew up in an electronics-filled and increasingly online and socially-networked world. They are the generation that has received the most marketing attention. As the most ethnically diverse generation, Millenials tend to be tolerant of difference. Having been raised under the mantra “follow your dreams” and being told they were special, they tend to be confident. While largely a positive trait, the Millennial generation’s confidence has been argued to spill over into the realms of entitlement and narcissism.  They are often seen as slightly more optimistic about the future of America than other generations — despite the fact that they are the first generation since the Silent Generation that is expected to be less economically successful than their parents.

One reported result of Millennial optimism is entering into adulthood with unrealistic expectations, which sometimes leads to disillusionment. Many early Millennials went through post-secondary education only to find themselves employed in unrelated fields or underemployed and job hopping more frequently than previous generations. Their expectations may have resulted from the very encouraging, involved and almost ever-present group of parents that became known as helicopter parents.

And another article siting many studies on the subject:

Kids of Helicopter Parents Are Sputtering Out

Recent studies suggests that kids with overinvolved parents and rigidly structured childhoods suffer psychological blowback in college.

By Julie Lythcott-Haims
Stressed out student in hallway of school building.

– What helicopter parenting hath wrought. Photo by Wavebreakmedia Ltd/Thinkstock

Excerpted from How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims, out now from Henry Holt and Co.

Academically overbearing parents are doing great harm. So says Bill Deresiewicz in his groundbreaking 2014 manifesto Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and the Way to a Meaningful Life. “[For students] haunted their whole lives by a fear of failure—often, in the first instance, by their parents’ fear of failure,” writes Deresiewicz, “the cost of falling short, even temporarily, becomes not merely practical, but existential.”

Those whom Deresiewicz calls “excellent sheep” I call the “existentially impotent.” From 2006 to 2008, I served on Stanford University’s mental health task force, which examined the problem of student depression and proposed ways to teach faculty, staff, and students to better understand, notice, and respond to mental health issues. As dean, I saw a lack of intellectual and emotional freedom—this existential impotence—behind closed doors. The “excellent sheep” were in my office. Often brilliant, always accomplished, these students would sit on my couch holding their fragile, brittle parts together, resigned to the fact that these outwardly successful situations were their miserable lives.

In my years as dean, I heard plenty of stories from college students who believed theyhad to study science (or medicine, or engineering), just as they’d had to play piano,and do community service for Africa, and, and, and. I talked with kids completely uninterested in the items on their own résumés. Some shrugged off any right to be bothered by their own lack of interest in what they were working on, saying, “My parents know what’s best for me.”

The data emerging confirms the harm done by asking so little of our kids when it comes to life skills, yet so much of them when it comes to academics. 

In 2013 the news was filled with worrisome statistics about the mental health crisis on college campuses, particularly the number of students medicated for depression. Charlie Gofen, the retired chairman of the board at the Latin School of Chicago, a private school serving about 1,100 students, emailed the statistics off to a colleague at another school and asked, “Do you think parents at your school would rather their kid be depressed at Yale or happy at University of Arizona?” The colleague quickly replied, “My guess is 75 percent of the parents would rather see their kids depressed at Yale. They figure that the kid can straighten the emotional stuff out in his/her 20’s, but no one can go back and get the Yale undergrad degree.”

Here are the statistics to which Charlie Gofen was likely alluding: In a 2013 survey of college counseling center directors, 95 percent said the number of students with significant psychological problems is a growing concern on their campus, 70 percent said that the number of students on their campus with severe psychological problems has increased in the past year, and they reported that 24.5 percent of their student clients were taking psychotropic drugs.

In 2013 the American College Health Association surveyed close to 100,000 college students from 153 different campuses about their health. When asked about their experiences, at some point over the past 12 months:

  • 84.3 percent felt overwhelmed by all they had to do
  • 60.5 percent felt very sad
  • 57.0 percent felt very lonely
  • 51.3 percent felt overwhelming anxiety
  • 8.0 percent seriously considered suicide

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As parents, our intentions are sound—more than sound: We love our kids fiercely and want only the very best for them. Yet, having succumbed to a combination of safety fears, a college admissions arms race, and perhaps our own needy ego, our sense of what is “best” for our kids is completely out of whack. We don’t want our kids to bonk their heads or have hurt feelings, but we’re willing to take real chances with their mental health?

You’re right to be thinking Yes, but do we know whether overparenting causes this rise in mental health problems? The answer is that we don’t have studies proving causation, but a number of recent studies show correlation.

In 2010, psychology professor Neil Montgomery of Keene State College in New Hampshire surveyed 300 college freshmen nationwide and found that students with helicopter parents were less open to new ideas and actions and more vulnerable, anxious, and self-conscious. “[S]tudents who were given responsibility and not constantly monitored by their parents—so-called ‘free rangers’—the effects were reversed,” Montgomery’s study found. A 2011 study by Terri LeMoyne and Tom Buchanan at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga looking at more than 300 students found that students with “hovering” or “helicopter” parents are more likely to be medicated for anxiety and/or depression.

Helicopter parenting has crippled American teenagers. Here’s how to fix it.

Dan Griffin says that the key is figuring out how to get kids to tune into their own motivation, and to get the parents to tune out of their motivation to shield their kids from failure and disappointment.

A 2012 study of 438 college students reported in the Journal of Adolescence found “initial evidence for this form of intrusive parenting being linked to problematic development in emerging adulthood … by limiting opportunities for emerging adults to practice and develop important skills needed for becoming self-reliant adults.” A 2013 study of 297 college students reported in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that college students with helicopter parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction in life and attributed this diminishment in well-being to a violation of the students’ “basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.” And a 2014 study from researchers at the University of Colorado–Boulder is the first to correlate a highly structured childhood with less executive function capabilities. Executive function is our ability to determine which goal-directed actions to carry out and when and is a skill set lacking in many kids with attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

The data emerging about the mental health of our kids only confirms the harm done by asking so little of them when it comes to life skills yet so much of them when it comes to adhering to the academic plans we’ve made for them.

When parents have tended to do the stuff of life for kids—the waking up, the transporting, the reminding about deadlines and obligations, the bill-paying, the question-asking, the decision-making, the responsibility-taking, the talking to strangers, and the confronting of authorities, kids may be in for quite a shock when parents turn them loose in the world of college or work. They will experience setbacks, which will feel to them like failure. Lurking beneath the problem of whatever thing needs to be handled is the student’s inability to differentiate the self from the parent.

When seemingly perfectly healthy but overparented kids get to college and have trouble coping with the various new situations they might encounter—a roommate who has a different sense of “clean,” a professor who wants a revision to the paper but won’t say specifically what is “wrong,” a friend who isn’t being so friendly anymore, a choice between doing a summer seminar or service project but not both—they can have real difficulty knowing how to handle the disagreement, the uncertainty, the hurt feelings, or the decision-making process. This inability to cope—to sit with some discomfort, think about options, talk it through with someone, make a decision—can become a problem unto itself.

Madeline Levine, psychologist and author of The Price of Privilege, says that there are three ways we might be overparenting and unwittingly causing psychological harm:

  1. When we do for our kids what they can already do for themselves;
  2. When we do for our kids what they can almost do for themselves; and
  3. When our parenting behavior is motivated by our own egos.

CINDY’S Editorial comment: There are some real parallels to this parenting style in missionary work. Paternalism or over-involvement in work with locals or nationals has some of the same affects. It has been a tendency from the early western missionary history to hover to closely to nationals as they learn to lead. Let’s think about this. In missionary work, missionaries should monitor their work like parents monitor their parenting with this same list …these three points are worthy of analysing what they are doing. In 1 and 2, exchange the word “kids” for “nationals” and in 3 exchange “parenting” for “ministry”.  The following applies to both parenting and missionary work. 

Levine said that when we parent this way we deprive our kids of the opportunity to be creative, to problem solve, to develop coping skills, to build resilience, to figure out what makes them happy, to figure out who they are. In short, it deprives them of the chance to be, well, human. Although we overinvolve ourselves to protect our kids and it may in fact lead to short-term gains, our behavior actually delivers the rather soul-crushing news: Kid, you can’t actually do any of this without me.

As Able told me:

When children aren’t given the space to struggle through things on their own, they don’t learn to problem solve very well. They don’t learn to be confident in their own abilities, and it can affect their self-esteem. The other problem with never having to struggle is that you never experience failure and can develop an overwhelming fear of failure and of disappointing others. Both the low self-confidence and the fear of failure can lead to depression or anxiety.

Neither Karen Able nor I is suggesting that grown kids should never call their parents. The devil is in the details of the conversation. If they call with a problem or a decision to be made, do we tell them what to do? Or do we listen thoughtfully, ask some questions based on our own sense of the situation, then say, “OK. So how do you think you’re going to handle that?”

Knowing what could unfold for our kids when they’re out of our sight can make us parents feel like we’re in straitjackets. What else are we supposed to do? If we’re not there for our kids when they are away from home and bewildered, confused, frightened, or hurting, then who will be?

Here’s the point—and this is so much more important than I realized until rather recently when the data started coming in: The research shows that figuring out for themselves is a critical element to people’s mental health. Your kids have to be there for themselves. That’s a harder truth to swallow when your kid is in the midst of a problem or worse, a crisis, but taking the long view, it’s the best medicine for them.

Excerpted from How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims, published by Henry Holt and Company, LLC. Copyright © 2015 by Julie Lythcott- Haims. All rights reserved.

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Before You Pack Your Bag, Prepare Your Heart

25 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today

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During my short term mission “Camelot” years at Willow Creek during the early 90’s, I had the task of writing curriculum for the then 5-10 short term mission (STM) teams that Willow sent to Mexico. It was daunting as I couldn’t seem to find too much help in finding good material to prepare our teams. So like many, we wrote our own.

Yes, I had been on many trips myself and had just returned from Kenya with my family for a whole year of serving as short termers. During that year we hosted many short termers in our home and realized that some struggled to adapt and some did well. Most admitted that they felt unprepared for their experience.

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Our family visiting a Kenyan family in their home

For about 8 years my church team was preparing about 25 serving teams to serve each year. We used many versions of curriculum that we edited and reworked. In 1999 I decided to publish what I had worked on. Today that Bible study guidebook, Before You Pack Your Bag, Prepare Your Heart, published by STEM Press, has sold about 100,000 copies. It is still the biggest seller in mission history of a STM preparation guide.

Prepare Your Heart

I am so grateful that youth pastors and church missions programs don’t have to start from scratch as we did back then. But most of all I am grateful that teams are going out with a solid orientation and a challenge from God’s Word. They have begun their journey into mission work with preparation in areas that challenge them to realize that the “how” of doing their work is more important than the “what”; that we need to be Christians first, not Americans first as we approach serving in a new culture (or anywhere, for that matter). We need to understand that bringing our technology or our stuff is NOT the most important gift to bring to the people we serve. That to go with an attitude of openness and acceptance and learning about our new friends overseas will allow us to be the best servants in Jesus’ name.

Don’t forget to pray for all those going out this summer to serve. Their service does more than you might think. Most of us don’t realize that most often the hosting group so appreciates being validated and valued when Americans come to visit them, to serve their needs, and just love them. There is a mutual experience of both parties understanding they are a part of the body of Christ. Be sure you take time to ask anyone you know who has gone, what they have learned.

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What is a global outreach?

21 Thursday May 2015

Posted by judge525 in Missions Today

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The facts are staggering. According to Frontier Harvest Ministries, in the unevangelized world, there are 20,500 full-time Christian workers and 10,200 foreign missionaries. In the evangelized non-Christian world, there are 1.31 million full-time Christian workers.

The whole enterprise is something that started with 12 men who were mentored by Jesus, the son of God himself in the small community of Galilee and its surrounds. The fact that I was given a role to play in this great world of fulfilling the great commission in an international arena sometimes astounds me. Everyone of us can play a role…by praying, giving or going. Most of all it starts with a heart of compassion and a desire to take the message of redemption to a world crying out for it. And it may begin with learning what God is doing around the world and deciding how to join Him. It’s an overwhelming task to share the good news with the world…but many churches make it a high priority in the life of their church seeing it as obedience to God’s plan to use each one of us.

I celebrate how God allowed me to play a part in one church in the Chicago’s suburbs that influences and supports about 100 of these missionaries. During the 10 years that I directed these efforts at Wheaton Bible Church we put on many events and conferences to raise awareness and enthusiasm to reach the world and it was a great ride.

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